My own grandma. Woke up on xmas morning screaming A snake in the nightmare. Snake is a symbol of sex, healing, angry woman. Then on xmas eve laid on the sauna bench and somehow crushed the rib(old wound) still feeling the pain.
to be cont…
Lost the Joy of Life, read an article of a man telling his story of a narcissist ex-wife. How he started to blame himself, up to suicidal feelings I admit I also struggling with suicidal feelings over my handling of an aggressive woman neighbor. Five times last year talked with police. It was so appalling when the detective inspector so sarcasticly said to me: ”you have made the worst possible mistake, you have jumped off the narcissist’s toboggan”. There’s the reason and consequences.
to be cont.. have to concentrate on New Year’s Day for Dinner and positive thinking
I already had also a therapy meeting time for Jan 7(arranged in august) no reminder text message arrived, waited outside door fifteen minutes and left the building. No one has contacted me.
I have my doubts, someone panicked when I told to several instances high-ranking police chief “joked” to me: “You have made the worst possible mistake, you have jumped off a narcissist’s toboggan”. It was that reason and consequences comment I wanted to talk with therapist acutely instead of waiting for January.
The reason I talked with that police chief on November was while angry neighbor woman in the street insisted I’m paranoid and alcoholist. I answered to her: “And you’re narcissist!”.
Told to the other elderly woman in the house that incident, she freightened answered: “from now on let’s only greet each other and nothing more”. I replied: “I’ll go to talk to the police before I’ll hang myself”. She: “Don’t you ever do that, I’ll pray for you!”. After that I contacted that sarcastic police chief and I’m still alive.
Victims of narcissists often start blame themselves, even ending up to suicide.
To go on, I need strenghtening thoughts
A complete silence reached behind walls.
It was the first police patrol in 2018 who asked me how old the woman is, after telling her age, police asked whether she has dementia, which could prevail her aggressiveness, I doubted that. Now, after police “joked” to me of my mistake, and me telling that to several instances (and my therapy abruptly cancelled), conclusion is she doesn’t have dementia. A dementic doesn’t suddenly get silent the way neighbor lady has been all this new year after raging in her home for hours as she did last year. And the reason she raged, was me while I didn’t any more yes-yes obeyed her needs. First time I rejected her opinion was… yes it was five years ago… five years ago!!! Time goes quickly by.
uttermost feeling paralyzed confusion
thousands of thoughts emerging
how this ended like this
neighbor woman quietened down completely
policemen have told their opinion
house manager hers
have I earlier met a woman like my present neighbor woman and if, where
how to understand women’s aggressions, verbal and physical
how did this gone so far, five years ago first aggressions towards me
how I told this to my nearest ones and nurses doctors
how did women react, how men
Do I feel shame
did I have suicidal thoughts over this.
why my crisis therapy cancelled via text message
it’s late evening and a man is surrounded with these kind of questions, taking break but this tirade will continue
Cont.. how to comply this with researching narcissist behavior
am I narcissist or victim of narcissist
I’m ok with this ignore neighbor police advice but how about neighbor
don’t ya ever go and ask that from her!!
year ago all day yelling and raging from neighbor apartment, today complete quieteness.
what’s the role of spirits
to whom she called Angry talks, everybody wondered.
secret truth is to another old lady in the house
in november that lady told me let’s just say only hello and thats it
thats fine I think now when I was refused the greet her before xmas.
what does local newspaper desk think of this
what are the feelings at City hall
why did one plainclothes pc greet me at the lunch place last week
want to visit police station to thank policemen for listening and mental briefing
want to visit female administration chief at the city hall
have nothing to say to stupid women, hostility towards them, challenging female logics
feeling isolated with these kinds of thoughts
shame on you dude
men have feelings too
how to cope with pathological lies told to you
highly sensitive person syndrome
dreams woke up screaming on Xmas morning, snake in the bushes and then it attacked, went to see a woman who has a dream 📚 book, the explanation for snake in a nightmare was just what I thought, an angry wily woman is on the sight haha 🤣
how to survive
GOOD, BAD AGGRESSION
Two hours thinking this kinda stuff
when you see a narcissist woman, run before it’s too late.
the whole body morses stress relief
What’s my role in the society after this today and tomorrow
To whom can I trust
can I ever again let anyone approach me
do I start drinking to escape
do I move to other city
is suicide the ultimate solution
What do I write into my last will
You are, it’s been told to you
oops, it’s 1.30am, can’t get sleep
haven’t got interest to answer phone calls
forgot items which I thaught to list here half an hour ago
all the similarities between my childhood grandma and neighbor woman
how to communicate with an aggressive women drunken
how to manage to get your message through when a woman impulsively announce her opinion straight now and here
self conscience do you have it or not
defensive attitude, have you been abused as a child
revenge, do you revenge something to someone
go to the woods, explore the nature, climate change
It’s 3.30am, Thursday 16 still awaken
5 am, morning coffeé, two sandwiches, bs 5.8
I’ll sleep when I’ll sleep, maybe noon or highnoon.
People have the right to vanish,
five oncoming phone calls rejected
- Exercise breathing
- Affect the mental load
- Maximize energy level
- Direct your attention
- Remember good routines
- Debrief situations
- Accept failures
Reason and consequences
a stubborn man vs a narcissist woman
once upon a time there was peace
together settling the house and it’s rules keeping tenants in order.
neighbor woman early in the morning hey neighbor do you have some hangover beer – sure
then came disagreements how to rule the house, how to intervene things,
how to tell a woman I disagree while she was drunk, how she exploded over things you only think so what?
another man told she’s sadistic towards you
Two women telling they never met a woman like that
House manager saying I see, she lied to me also over that matter
Early in the morning up to late evening perkele words echoing in the condo.
Things don’t go at the house meetings the way narcissist wants them to go
and the stubborn man who went too far , telling no we can’t do that way, no you’re wrong,
how come you dare disagree, but I dare
first contact with police patrol, how old is she? having dementia? Don’t you worry, we can make evaluation in house calls(tilannearvio)
what happened between thatcontact with police to the point high ranking police telling me sarcastically you have made the worst possible mistake, you have jumped off the narcissist’s toboggan, that’s told in numerous posts I have published.
today, things gone to the point neighbor woman is quiet and I wondering what I did wrong whether I should have moved, whether I had committed suicide, whether I just shut my mouth, whether I had…
But no more whether or ifs
just searching answers from the net, how life goes when you have escaped a narcissist’s quirks, although the narcissist still living next to you
how stupid and shameful it is to publish this kinda shitty neighbor relationship story
do I feel shame, regrets
how do I relate this with my childhood and grandmother’s behavior
are women aggressive, if, what are the reasons for that.
questions erupt and therapy cancelled
Life is 🤷🏼♂️
9 pm collision At the stairs with old ladies of the house omg feeling
told the other Lady men think of matters differently as women
21.01.19 8 am
HOLY SHIT In November I told the other 80 years old woman in the house how the neighbor woman insulted me as paranoid and alcoholist and she said let’s not speak to each other’s nothing any more than just hello. I replied I just figure out whether I’ll go to the police or hang myself. She started vigil me of hanging and never do that. It was yesterday evening since November we met in the stairs. We said terve to each other’s, I continued I went to police. She looked terrified:for what? I said to her Men think of matters differently than women. Ended and I saw how the neighbor woman was also in the stairs shutting her own door. Three months grandma army has gathered to think what to do with their suicidal aggressive paranoid alcholist man living next door (to Alice) oh my god, it’s laughing time for men again.
I have forgotten everything my own past, while chatting with neighbor woman over the past two three four years. Stress deactivated memory, no tears anymore over my mother and father passed away eight years ago. Siblings being angry why do you… just forget grand mother. All I’ve studied of my heritage, searching family trees of my parents. Up to year 1550. Looking back my childhood, fear of people and loneliness, no guidance to small talk up to a suicide attempt. Quarrels with grandma and how that relates to my current neighbor woman. I was so angered over this that doctor advised me counseling therapy and I several times last year contacted police, they were polite towards me with my stress, but I was also told not to contact police and that this isn’t house council matter. And now grandmas of the house blame me for what on earth you contacted police. But I have now reached the peace of mind because of those talks with police and especially the hit by police station chief that I have made the biggest possible mistake while jumping off a narcissist’s toboggan. That was so rude and sarcastic but still so truthful, reason and consequences analysis. And yet, while moving around the city I discover so many friendly women who light my day to forget angry elderly women coming too close to me. Earlier I told of the cancellation of my therapy via phone text message, even that benefits me to realize that it doesn’t matter whatsoever. Perhaps, and perhaps it was police who told health service now is the wrong part in therapy need, who knows. Or the female army wanted to show a man from where the hen pisses. Or women just terrified over my talks how grandma verbally incested. Oh my god the day when I first spelled that frase ‘verbal incest’, that moment I remember completely and the reactions what that frase caused. Today I think I could have used thr frase verbal abuse, or even milder verbal aggression or anger control management dysfunction of elderly women.
Now that I have caught my feelings, I remember there are two (automatically saved) 112 calls from my cell phone to the emergency center. The first call was closed by female dispatcher, I closed the second call with female dispatcher. Both calls were related to the the aggressions by neighbor woman towards a man.
it’s gonna take some time for me to figure out all the aspects of the disagreements between me and my neighbor woman especially when the health organization cancelled my crisis therapy via cell phone text message in November.
January 27, 2020
International Holocaust Remembrance Day
Vainojen uhrien muistopäivä
🧑🏼💻 28.01.2020 1 am
It seems another sleepless night ahead.
Left everything behind, deleted all the memories lived
Just cynicism and loss of empathy left.
email address unreachable
no impulse to clean up the house
no one to tell face-to-face anymore anything
Life goes on , today found In the library two books of Narcissism, the other have answers to 100 questions about Narcissism
after that met an MLL active woman, delighted over her friendliness, I told her ten years ago about my grandma, even the daughter of the neighbor woman greeted me from long distance.
today I think the best words I said last year was ”and you are narcissist!”.Havent met her since October, when I replied to her insults “you’re paranoid, alcoholist”. She is actively avoiding me while keeping in touch with an 80 years old woman living in the house. My blood pressure is now 128/78 and my whole body signals stress disappearance. Reading that 100questions about Narcissism, I shy over how stupid I’ve been and otherwise how strong I’ve been. I have struggled this by myself and felt alone to work out this, but, it was so relaxing the last police patrol adviced ”keep you fist in the pocket also from now on”.Found from the book frase ‘impulsive aggression’, in front of that behavior I was stunned speechless.
Completely bewildered after finding greg zaffuto’s blog ANA
Most of all written by a man
Saw yesterday the male therapist who cancelled therapy meeting in November via phone text message.. haven’t heard of him since then.
04.02.2020 1 am
Still feeling the shock wave over realizing what kind of reason and consequences situations reign after that November day when neighbor woman insulted that I’m paranoid and alcoholist, and my answer to her that she’s narcissistic.
Another upset: male therapist sent a phone text message he’s back at work. Asked me call if needed to meet. Wondering my thoughts clear today but my action ability paralyzed because of “a narcissist was revealed near me because of my own resistance so I’ve left narcissist but how come I managed to get myself into this with my stupidity or whatever reason how do I match all this stuff to be in balance between my ears” happenings. So I need couple of meetings to sort this aftershock crisis out.
No worry whatsoever!
Valentine’s Day 14.02.2020
Today I made something what’s been on my mind since first time contacted police over impulsively aggressive neighbor woman. Chatting with a female police officer. Met her at a lunch restaurant.
Very positive Thursday, talking and laughing separately with a man and a woman related to my narcissist research project caused by neighbor woman. Then a nice food store cashier who was interested in how do I use pumpkin seeds I bought. such a fine moment to chat at the cash with that familiar woman. Plus a surprise encounter two days ago with a police officer, whom I met when he on duty listened my worries last year at the police station. He just greeted me in the library when he was off-duty. The man Who listened my encounters 45 minutes with laugh was my male therapist, he had enrolled in the omakanta data base we talked about women near me and Narcissism. I was so depressed we agreed next meeting to be held in November. And the woman to whom I talked on another location was the daughter of my neighbor woman. When I still add earlier posted that on Monday I chatted with a female police constable at a lunch restaurant my week is full of all kinds of narcissist survival encounters.
Again neighbor woman on my mind, I was told something on Thursday, witnessed it on Friday, today told the story forwards. Some kinda police related involvement.
Visited police station,
chatted with a duty officer,
to clear my mind over
last week’s events.