2020 Item Narcissism (Updated)


My own grandma. Woke up on xmas morning screaming A snake in the nightmare. Snake is a symbol of sex, healing, angry woman. Then on xmas eve laid on the sauna bench and somehow crushed the rib(old wound) still feeling the pain.

to be cont…

Lost the Joy of Life, read an article of a man telling his story of a narcissist ex-wife. How he started to blame himself, up to suicidal feelings I admit I also struggling with suicidal feelings over my handling of an aggressive woman neighbor. Five times last year talked with police. It was so appalling when the detective inspector so sarcasticly said to me: ”you have made the worst possible mistake, you have jumped off the narcissist’s toboggan”. There’s the reason and consequences.

to be cont.. have to concentrate on New Year’s Day for Dinner and positive thinking

blog following

I already had also a therapy meeting time for Jan 7(arranged in august) no reminder text message arrived, waited outside door fifteen minutes and left the building. No one has contacted me.

I have my doubts, someone panicked when I told to several instances high-ranking police chief “joked” to me: “You have made the worst possible mistake, you have jumped off a narcissist’s toboggan”. It was that reason and consequences comment I wanted to talk with therapist acutely instead of waiting for January.

The reason I talked with that police chief on November was while angry neighbor woman in the street insisted I’m paranoid and alcoholist. I answered to her: And you’re narcissist!”.

Told to the other elderly woman in the house that incident, she freightened answered: “from now on let’s only greet each other and nothing more”. I replied: “I’ll go to talk to the police before I’ll hang myself”. She: “Don’t you ever do that, I’ll pray for you!”. After that I contacted that sarcastic police chief and I’m still alive.

Victims of narcissists often start blame themselves, even ending up to suicide.

ptsd triggerhappy

To go on, I need strenghtening thoughts

-And now you get into a rounded room!
-Women’s quirks man leaves to their own values.
-You are grazy, Paranoid, alkoholist, fucking houselord!
-And you are a narcissist!
Aggressions, reason and concequences
You have made the biggest mistake, you have jumped off the narcissist’s toboggan.

A complete silence reached behind walls.

It was the first police patrol in 2018 who asked me how old the woman is, after telling her age, police asked whether she has dementia, which could prevail her aggressiveness, I doubted that. Now, after police “joked” to me of my mistake, and me telling that to several instances (and my therapy abruptly cancelled), conclusion is she doesn’t have dementia. A dementic doesn’t suddenly get silent the way neighbor lady has been all this new year after raging in her home for hours as she did last year. And the reason she raged, was me while I didn’t any more yes-yes obeyed her needs. First time I rejected her opinion was… yes it was five years ago… five years ago!!! Time goes quickly by.


uttermost feeling paralyzed confusion

thousands of thoughts emerging


how this ended like this

neighbor woman quietened down completely

policemen have told their opinion

house manager hers

have I earlier met a woman like my present neighbor woman and if, where

how to understand women’s aggressions, verbal and physical

how did this gone so far, five years ago first aggressions towards me

how I told this to my nearest ones and nurses doctors

how did women react, how men

Do I feel shame

did I have suicidal thoughts over this.

why my crisis therapy cancelled via text message

it’s late evening and a man is surrounded with these kind of questions, taking break but this tirade will continue

Cont.. how to comply this with researching narcissist behavior

am I narcissist or victim of narcissist

I’m ok with this ignore neighbor police advice but how about neighbor

don’t ya ever go and ask that from her!!

year ago all day yelling and raging from neighbor apartment, today complete quieteness.
what’s the role of spirits
to whom she called Angry talks, everybody wondered.

secret truth is to another old lady in the house

in november that lady told me let’s just say only hello and thats it

thats fine I think now when I was refused the greet her before xmas.

what does local newspaper desk think of this

what are the feelings at City hall

why did one plainclothes pc greet me at the lunch place last week

want to visit police station to thank policemen for listening and mental briefing

want to visit female administration chief at the city hall

have nothing to say to stupid women, hostility towards them, challenging female logics

feeling isolated with these kinds of thoughts

shame on you dude

men have feelings too

how to cope with pathological lies told to you

highly sensitive person syndrome


dreams woke up screaming on Xmas morning, snake in the bushes and then it attacked, went to see a woman who has a dream 📚 book, the explanation for snake in a nightmare was just what I thought, an angry wily woman is on the sight haha 🤣

healing process

how to survive



Two hours thinking this kinda stuff

when you see a narcissist woman, run before it’s too late.

the whole body morses stress relief

What’s my role in the society after this today and tomorrow

To whom can I trust

can I ever again let anyone approach me

do I start drinking to escape

do I move to other city

is suicide the ultimate solution

What do I write into my last will


You are, it’s been told to you

oops, it’s 1.30am, can’t get sleep

haven’t got interest to answer phone calls

forgot items which I thaught to list here half an hour ago

all the similarities between my childhood grandma and neighbor woman

how to communicate with an aggressive women drunken

how to manage to get your message through when a woman impulsively announce her opinion straight now and here

self conscience do you have it or not

defensive attitude, have you been abused as a child

revenge, do you revenge something to someone


go to the woods, explore the nature, climate change

It’s 3.30am, Thursday 16 still awaken 

5 am, morning coffeé, two sandwiches, bs 5.8

I’ll sleep when I’ll sleep, maybe noon or highnoon.


People have the right to vanish,

five oncoming phone calls rejected


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