Topic Narcissism (Update March 14)

My own grandma. Woke up on xmas morning screaming A snake in the nightmare. Snake is a symbol of sex, healing, angry woman. Then on xmas eve laid on the sauna bench and somehow crushed the rib(old wound) still feeling the pain.

to be cont…

Lost the Joy of Life, read an article of a man telling his story of a narcissist ex-wife. How he started to blame himself, up to suicidal feelings I admit I also struggling with suicidal feelings over my handling of an aggressive woman neighbor. Five times last year talked with police. It was so appalling when the detective inspector so sarcasticly said to me: ”you have made the worst possible mistake, you have jumped off the narcissist’s toboggan”. There’s the reason and consequences.

to be cont.. have to concentrate on New Year’s Day for Dinner and positive thinking

blog following

I already had also a therapy meeting time for Jan 7(arranged in august) no reminder text message arrived, waited outside door fifteen minutes and left the building. No one has contacted me.

I have my doubts, someone panicked when I told to several instances high-ranking police chief “joked” to me: “You have made the worst possible mistake, you have jumped off a narcissist’s toboggan”. It was that reason and consequences comment I wanted to talk with therapist acutely instead of waiting for January.

The reason I talked with that police chief on November was while angry neighbor woman in the street insisted I’m paranoid and alcoholist. I answered to her: And you’re narcissist!”.

Told to the other elderly woman in the house that incident, she freightened answered: “from now on let’s only greet each other and nothing more”. I replied: “I’ll go to talk to the police before I’ll hang myself”. She: “Don’t you ever do that, I’ll pray for you!”. After that I contacted that sarcastic police chief and I’m still alive.

Victims of narcissists often start blame themselves, even ending up to suicide.

ptsd triggerhappy

To go on, I need strenghtening thoughts

-And now you get into a rounded room!
-Women’s quirks man leaves to their own values.
-You are grazy, Paranoid, alkoholist, fucking houselord!
-And you are a narcissist!
Aggressions, reason and concequences
You have made the biggest mistake, you have jumped off the narcissist’s toboggan.

A complete silence reached behind walls.

It was the first police patrol in 2018 who asked me how old the woman is, after telling her age, police asked whether she has dementia, which could prevail her aggressiveness, I doubted that. Now, after police “joked” to me of my mistake, and me telling that to several instances (and my therapy abruptly cancelled), conclusion is she doesn’t have dementia. A dementic doesn’t suddenly get silent the way neighbor lady has been all this new year after raging in her home for hours as she did last year. And the reason she raged, was me while I didn’t any more yes-yes obeyed her needs. First time I rejected her opinion was… yes it was five years ago… five years ago!!! Time goes quickly by.


uttermost feeling paralyzed confusion

thousands of thoughts emerging


how this ended like this

neighbor woman quietened down completely

policemen have told their opinion

house manager hers

have I earlier met a woman like my present neighbor woman and if, where

how to understand women’s aggressions, verbal and physical

how did this gone so far, five years ago first aggressions towards me

how I told this to my nearest ones and nurses doctors

how did women react, how men

Do I feel shame

did I have suicidal thoughts over this.

why my crisis therapy cancelled via text message

it’s late evening and a man is surrounded with these kind of questions, taking break but this tirade will continue

Cont.. how to comply this with researching narcissist behavior

am I narcissist or victim of narcissist

I’m ok with this ignore neighbor police advice but how about neighbor

don’t ya ever go and ask that from her!!

year ago all day yelling and raging from neighbor apartment, today complete quieteness.
what’s the role of spirits
to whom she called Angry talks, everybody wondered.

secret truth is to another old lady in the house

in november that lady told me let’s just say only hello and thats it

thats fine I think now when I was refused the greet her before xmas.

what does local newspaper desk think of this

what are the feelings at City hall

why did one plainclothes pc greet me at the lunch place last week

want to visit police station to thank policemen for listening and mental briefing

want to visit female administration chief at the city hall

have nothing to say to stupid women, hostility towards them, challenging female logics

feeling isolated with these kinds of thoughts

shame on you dude

men have feelings too

how to cope with pathological lies told to you

highly sensitive person syndrome


dreams woke up screaming on Xmas morning, snake in the bushes and then it attacked, went to see a woman who has a dream 📚 book, the explanation for snake in a nightmare was just what I thought, an angry wily woman is on the sight haha 🤣

healing process

how to survive



Two hours thinking this kinda stuff

when you see a narcissist woman, run before it’s too late.

the whole body morses stress relief

What’s my role in the society after this today and tomorrow

To whom can I trust

can I ever again let anyone approach me

do I start drinking to escape

do I move to other city

is suicide the ultimate solution

What do I write into my last will


You are, it’s been told to you

oops, it’s 1.30am, can’t get sleep

haven’t got interest to answer phone calls

forgot items which I thaught to list here half an hour ago

all the similarities between my childhood grandma and neighbor woman

how to communicate with an aggressive women drunken

how to manage to get your message through when a woman impulsively announce her opinion straight now and here

self conscience do you have it or not

defensive attitude, have you been abused as a child

revenge, do you revenge something to someone


go to the woods, explore the nature, climate change

It’s 3.30am, Thursday 16 still awaken 

5 am, morning coffeé, two sandwiches, bs 5.8

I’ll sleep when I’ll sleep, maybe noon or highnoon.


People have the right to vanish,

five oncoming phone calls rejected



  1. Understand
  2. Analyze
  3. Exercise
  4. Exercise breathing
  5. Affect the mental load
  6. Maximize energy level
  7. Direct your attention
  8. Remember good routines
  9. Debrief situations
  10. Accept failures


Reason and consequences

a stubborn man vs a narcissist woman

once upon a time there was peace

together settling the house and it’s rules keeping tenants in order.

neighbor woman early in the morning hey neighbor do you have some hangover beer – sure

then came disagreements how to rule the house, how to intervene things,

how to tell a woman I disagree while she was drunk, how she exploded over things you only think so what?

another man told she’s sadistic towards you

Two women telling they never met a woman like that

House manager saying I see, she lied to me also over that matter

Early in the morning up to late evening perkele words echoing in the condo.

Things don’t go at the house meetings the way narcissist wants them to go

and the stubborn man who went too far , telling no we can’t do that way, no you’re wrong,

how come you dare disagree, but I dare

first contact with police patrol, how old is she? having dementia? Don’t you worry, we can make evaluation in house calls(tilannearvio)

what happened between thatcontact with police to the point high ranking police telling me sarcastically you have made the worst possible mistake, you have jumped off the narcissist’s toboggan, that’s told in numerous posts I have published.

today, things gone to the point neighbor woman is quiet and I wondering what I did wrong whether I should have moved, whether I had committed suicide, whether I just shut my mouth, whether I had…

But no more whether or ifs

just searching answers from the net, how life goes when you have escaped a narcissist’s quirks, although the narcissist still living next to you

how stupid and shameful it is to publish this kinda shitty neighbor relationship story

do I feel shame, regrets

how do I relate this with my childhood and grandmother’s behavior

gender gap

are women aggressive, if, what are the reasons for that.

questions erupt and therapy cancelled

Women confused

Men laughing

Life is 🤷🏼‍♂️

9 pm collision At the stairs with old ladies of the house omg feeling

told the other Lady men think of matters differently as women

21.01.19 8 am 

HOLY SHIT In November I told the other 80 years old woman in the house how the neighbor woman insulted me as paranoid and alcoholist and she said let’s not speak to each other’s nothing any more than just hello. I replied I just figure out whether I’ll go to the police or hang myself. She started vigil me of hanging and never do that. It was yesterday evening since November we met in the stairs. We said terve to each other’s, I continued I went to police. She looked terrified:for what? I said to her Men think of matters differently than women. Ended and I saw how the neighbor woman was also in the stairs shutting her own door. Three months grandma army has gathered to think what to do with their suicidal aggressive paranoid alcholist man living next door (to Alice) oh my god, it’s laughing time for men again.


I have forgotten everything my own past, while chatting with neighbor woman over the past two three four years. Stress deactivated memory, no tears anymore over my mother and father passed away eight years ago. Siblings being angry why do you… just forget grand mother. All I’ve studied of my heritage, searching family trees of my parents. Up to year 1550. Looking back my childhood, fear of people and loneliness, no guidance to small talk up to a suicide attempt. Quarrels with grandma and how that relates to my current neighbor woman. I was so angered over this that doctor advised me counseling therapy and I several times last year contacted police, they were polite towards me with my stress, but I was also told not to contact police and that this isn’t house council matter. And now grandmas of the house blame me for what on earth you contacted police. But I have now reached the peace of mind because of those talks with police and especially the hit by police station chief that I have made the biggest possible mistake while jumping off a narcissist’s toboggan. That was so rude and sarcastic but still so truthful, reason and consequences analysis. And yet, while moving around the city I discover so many friendly women who light my day to forget angry elderly women coming too close to me. Earlier I told of the cancellation of my therapy via phone text message, even that benefits me to realize that it doesn’t matter whatsoever. Perhaps, and perhaps it was police who told health service now is the wrong part in therapy need, who knows. Or the female army wanted to show a man from where the hen pisses. Or women just terrified over my talks how grandma verbally incested. Oh my god the day when I first spelled that frase ‘verbal incest’, that moment I remember completely and the reactions what that frase caused. Today I think I could have used thr frase verbal abuse, or even milder verbal aggression or anger control management dysfunction of elderly women.

25.01.20 10am

Now that I have caught my feelings, I remember there are two (automatically saved) 112 calls from my cell phone to the emergency center. The first call was closed by female dispatcher, I closed the second call with female dispatcher. Both calls were related to the the aggressions by neighbor woman towards a man.

it’s gonna take some time for me to figure out all the aspects of the disagreements between me and my neighbor woman especially when the health organization cancelled my crisis therapy via cell phone text message in November.

January 27, 2020

International Holocaust Remembrance Day

Vainojen uhrien muistopäivä


28.01.2020 1 am

It seems another sleepless night ahead.

Left everything behind, deleted all the memories lived

Just cynicism and loss of empathy left.

email address unreachable

no impulse to clean up the house

no one to tell face-to-face anymore anything

this is so absurd, the original thread deleted on Torikahvila

Life goes on , today found In the library two books of Narcissism, the other have answers to 100 questions about Narcissism

after that met an MLL active woman, delighted over her friendliness, I told her ten years ago about my grandma, even the daughter of the neighbor woman greeted me from long distance.

today I think the best words I said last year was ”and you are narcissist!”.Havent met her since October, when I replied to her insults “you’re paranoid, alcoholist”. She is actively avoiding me while keeping in touch with an 80 years old woman living in the house. My blood pressure is now 128/78 and my whole body signals stress disappearance. Reading that 100questions about Narcissism, I shy over how stupid I’ve been and otherwise how strong I’ve been. I have struggled this by myself and felt alone to work out this, but, it was so relaxing the last police patrol adviced ”keep you fist in the pocket also from now on”.Found from the book frase ‘impulsive aggression’, in front of that behavior I was stunned speechless.


Completely bewildered after finding greg zaffuto’s blog ANA

Most of all written by a man


Saw yesterday the male therapist who cancelled therapy meeting in November via phone text message.. haven’t heard of him since then.

04.02.2020 1 am

Still feeling the shock wave over realizing what kind of reason and consequences situations reign after that November day when neighbor woman insulted that I’m paranoid and alcoholist, and my answer to her that she’s narcissistic.

Another upset: male therapist sent a phone text message he’s back at work. Asked me call if needed to meet. Wondering my thoughts clear today but my action ability paralyzed because of “a narcissist was revealed near me because of my own resistance so I’ve left narcissist but how come I managed to get myself into this with my stupidity or whatever reason how do I match all this stuff to be in balance between my ears” happenings. So I need couple of meetings to sort this aftershock crisis out.

What is the reason for this kind of female verbal insults, man asks.
What is the reason for grandma using this kind of verbal insults, grandson asks.

No worry whatsoever!

Valentine’s Day 14.02.2020

Today I made something what’s been on my mind since first time contacted police over impulsively aggressive neighbor woman. Chatting with a female police officer. Met her at a lunch restaurant.



Very positive Thursday, talking and laughing separately with a man and a woman related to my narcissist research project caused by neighbor woman. Then a nice food store cashier who was interested in how do I use pumpkin seeds I bought. such a fine moment to chat at the cash with that familiar woman. Plus a surprise encounter two days ago with a police officer, whom I met when he on duty listened my worries last year at the police station. He just greeted me in the library when he was off-duty. The man Who listened my encounters 45 minutes with laugh was my male therapist, he had enrolled in the omakanta data base we talked about women near me and Narcissism. I was so depressed we agreed next meeting to be held in November. And the woman to whom I talked on another location was the daughter of my neighbor woman. When I still add earlier posted that on Monday I chatted with a female police constable at a lunch restaurant my week is full of all kinds of narcissist survival encounters.


Again neighbor woman on my mind, I was told something on Thursday, witnessed it on Friday, today told the story forwards. Some kinda police related involvement.


Visited police station,

chatted with a duty officer,

to clear my mind over

last week’s events.


Neighbor woman still on my mind, this week I’ve chatted with police duty officer, house manager and City administration chief. Furthermore neighbor woman gets what she wants, has managed a warning for new tenant who moved in January, met the lessor in a food shop, police duty officer said a note would’ve been enough for the start. Want to say the neighbor woman next time call 112 and police patrol quietens the night disturbance at the house. But the advice would provoke her once again into verbal insults. A narcissist woman won’t take advice from a man who has left her control. Once again I was asked by yet another woman why don’t you move away? That’s the female logic for this kind of problem caused by a woman. On the other hand Male police duty officer laughed why the woman would move back where she came from.It doesn’t bother a person, whether someone has hurt him/her, but how the matter is being sorted out.”


Meeting with a female control nurse, she noted ‘good you aren’t greeting your neighbor woman’. Told she has seen so many narcissist’s victims in her work, we had a long talk about my feelings, I laughed a lot, she said it’s your humor which keeps you going. Later at the lunch restaurant a police officer smiled when noticed me. I awarded me a lunch I had so fine meeting with a nurse at the health center.


☮️ Peace and quiet in the house while neighbor woman again at her country home.

At the lunch Restaurant talked with the detective chief inspector thanking him for his last November reason and consequences diagnosis, how it gave me a positive feeling, a young female constable listened by side while I told where things are rolling today.

shame, embarrassment and courage 🖐 in 🤚

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