And I’m devastated. Again.

Discussed this week with three men, one field operations police supervisor and two former newspaper editors-in-chief, informed this to my male house chairman. Female tenant told me month ago that my neighbor 80years old mummy has visited them (mostly drunken) and has told them stories about me which they just can’t believe. She invited me to visit her after she was carrying with her companion that lady home at the stairs and I realized oops she’s s drunk again. Told the tenant and her companion Call the ambulance! And they called . Three promilles. Up till last Year that woman was in the house council. It was ptsd again for me backing memories from my childhood when I had a quarrel(s) with my grandma , she yelled at me shoot me, shoot me!, and next day came home and told my parents: I told at the church elders’ social club, that boy threatened to shoot me!, my parents were silent so Did I. No one defended me but obviously rumors circled was that true. . The club was run by the local church and headed by a lestadian diacon. Holy shit my feelings today when I …. Those fucking gossiping female armies attacking innocent men. Have to euthanize myself to find peace.

Yesterday, cried throughout the day. Still alive after a long period without posting here. Havin the maintenance SSRI pills ended last week and no new receipt for them, symptoms driven me to the sensitive mood just because no sudden stop not allowed for that medication. Desided to stop using them after checking the feeling this morning after crying all day yesterday. The recent pass away of older brother culminated yesterday with a remembrance event.

Passed away is also a war veteran whose agressive behavior against me I’ve told earlier. He went silent at once after I told police the man shouted at me at the stairs: ‘I manage you the devilish commander to the room of lunatics!’ The other incident with the lady mentioned above when she got angry and shouted: ‘it’s viiring with you, go the the mental care!!’. Combined that with my grandma’s sexually explicit words towards grandson causing long effect ptsd. Not to mention that passed-away old woman who shouted at me at the stairs: ‘now you little boy came fucking(vittuilemaan) to wrong people!!

Angry 🤬 birds flying over my head, ironically 🤪

Angry neighbor woman 80 years still around, however she shamed herself badly some time ago and spending her time now somewhere. Had to visit(again) at the start of this Year a mental health nurse(female) to clear my minds over woman’s behavior. And just after that, told a female tenant ‘just call the ambulance’ after seeing neighbor woman drunken at the stairs and the tenant told she has also fallen at her home. So her partner called 911. Paramedics metered three promilles. And after that the tenant contacted me and told me what that share holder woman had told them about me and she told me they don’t believe those arguments at all. House manager then commented of that to me.. plus house chairman gotten speechless. All that related to which truth a police superintendent years ago sarcastically said to me: ‘you have made the biggest mistake, you have jumped off the toboggan of a narcissist’.

Woman plus alcohol plus violence, it’s a taboo not to be exposed.

The tears I rained yesterday, they were nonetheless good for my soul.realise now when woke up for a new day with the download away. Even activated me writing all this up. I still survive til I pass away.

To be cont..